Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays are such an ...

After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in an effort to ...

Pop superstar Katy Perry was spotted in what looked like some level of embrace with another former Canadian Prime Minister this week. “I don’t know what came over me,” said Perry. “I guess I just like ...

In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who ...

Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said judge Bjorn ...

There was a rush to the local MCC this week to get used copies of the latest Taylor Swift album, after it was discovered that Abbotsford fans got a shout out on the title track. “Hey, Mrs.

For more than a century, residents of the small Mennonite town of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg ...

Area man Sam Ens, 43, has just been informed by his parents that he has finally reached the age where he can stay up late and watch M*A*S*H* with them. “It’s our birthday gift to him,” said Sam’s ...

After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Cracker Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” said league ...

Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never ...

Area man Earl Klassen is celebrating his birthday this week by consuming 67 pieces of plautz. “How old are you, Earl?” said friend Dave. “Are you 60 …6 or is it 7?” Earl proudly stated that not only ...

In the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s recent cancellation, we’ve consulted a team of comedians and humourists from across the United States to make a list of completely safe jokes that won’t get you cancelled ...